ARMYGEDDON RECRUITMENT PROGRAM

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Welcome to Armygeddon

Canberra's annual event for hot-rodders has attracted a vulture. The Australian army, keen to attract lovers of "extreme" life have targetted the event to turn "rev-heads" into "grunts."

For the first time the nineteen year history of the annual January Summernats event (here's the ad) everyone driving a car home can feel patriotism with every burn-out.

The Army's psychological tool, brainchild of the ADF's propaganda boffins, is called "Armygeddon". It's a converted Land-Rover that does everything that Herbie the Love-Bug can, promoting high adventure in the Humvees and Abrahams tanks. Below the fire licking from its headlights, the word "ARMY" is emblazoned on its bumper.

Head of Army, Lieutantant General Peter Leahy, spokesperson for Armygeddon, says that the 'Street Machine' is ".. an outstanding piece of machinery. Anyone can do a normal burnout, only this vehicle can do these in incredible combinations."

Who would have thought that joining the Army means that you get to drive "Street Machines" like this?

The only catch is that the car fanatics wouldn't ever get near the steering wheel unless they happen to be specifically trained experts. Even the company commissioned by the ADF to build the Armygeddon Street Machine found themselves moving into the background, as the vehicle needed ".. the skill of a trained operator to optimise it's performance" Lucky the Army had drivers who "demonstrated that they would be capable of an awesome display during the Summernats."

Lieutenant General Leahy says that the machine is designed to entice lovers of "extreme" life into the armed forces. "It's about working our image amongst that crowd, the young crowd, the adventurous people, those with technical skills"

I'm trying to think like a member of the ADF's target demographic....

"Wow.. the Army's really cool. I thought it was all cluster bombs, insurgents and thousands of dead people. Now you tell me you get to do tricks in cars. I'm in!!

No worries, mate.. give us a car like this and it'll be just like a Clint Eastwood movie. If we find ourselves invading a village of hostile natives that want to kill us, we'll be able to whack the Land-Rover up on wheel and do a "doughnut". Then we'll p*ss off back to the barbie and have a laugh about it. It was good fun, in Armygeddon."

The streets of Canberra's suburbs are going to be interesting for a few days afterwards. Every kid doing a "burn-out" will be considered justified in their practice of military training.. you'll be able to smell the testosterone way beyond the NSW border.

I cannot understand the thinking in this project. If the name is only a Freudian slip, then those who proposed and approved the the promotion of the name of the final battle-site of Christianity should be resitting psychological exams. At any rate, it's not great timing to call anything a name resembling Armageddon in the lead-up months to June 6, 2006.

I'm thinking of a fantastic radio ad the army could use. "Which Australian city will see Armygeddon on 6/6/6?" Too tacky, you say? On the tackiness front, after the Army's Canberra Recruitment Drive, anything is now possible