Thinking Like Republicans

This was sighted in an Albuqurque (USA) Stop The War Newsletter in 2004

Tentative Schedule
Republican National Convention

New York, August 29 - September 2, 2004

Catering Service: Halliburton
Chauffeur Service: Blackwater

OPENING NIGHT. 8:00 p.m.

Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Rush Limbaugh

8:15 p.m. Blessing of the Republican Party and Curse on Satanic
Democrats: Reverend Franklin Graham. 8:30 p.m. Keynote Address: Mel
Gibson (in Aramaic, with subtitles)

9.30 pm. Benediction and Call to Holy War, General William Boykin

SECOND NIGHT

8:00 p.m. Presentation of the Confederate Colors: Judge Charles
Pickering

8:15 p.m. Pledge of Allegiance and Anointment with Crisco Oil, Attorney
General John Ashcroft 8:30 p.m. Quadrennial Compassionate Conservative
Musical Offering of Minstrel Songs and Cakewalk 9:00 p.m. Speech:
Condoleezza Rice

9:30 p.m. Speech: Colin Powell, (cancelled)

9:30 p.m. Video Tribute: Strom Thurmond (with introduction by Trent
Lott)

10:00 p.m. Presentation of Party Platform and No-Bid Contracts, Dick
Cheney

THIRD NIGHT

8:00 p.m. Presentation of the Confederate Colors: Tom DeLay

8:15 pm. Bush Family Tribute:

??? Neil Bush on Family Values

??? Marvin Bush on Saudi Investment Opportunities for Family Members

??? Jeb Bush on Fair Drug Sentencing Guidelines and Election Laws for
Family Members 9:00 pm. Nomination Speech for George W. Bush, Ahmed
Chalabi, (cancelled)

9:30 p.m. Seconding speech, Brent Scowcroft, (cancelled)

9:35 p.m. Seconding Speech, Paul O???Neill (cancelled)

9:40 p.m. Seconding Speech, Christie Todd Whitman (cancelled)

10:00 p.m. Roll Call of States and Counting of Votes, Antonin Scalia

CLOSING-NIGHT

8:00 p.m. Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Karl Rove.

8:15 p.m. Incantation from the Platform to Open Witchcraft Trial of 9/11
Widows at Ground Zero: Richard Perle, William Kristol, Scooter Libby,
Paul Wofowitz 9:00 p.m. Acceptance Speech of Presidential Nominee (Joint
Appearance, Not Under Oath), George W. Bush and Dick Cheney