Having It Off..

The bloody car prang means that I can't bang
Of my willie there's only a stump
And despite all me missus's loving and kisseses
You can't have a hump with a lump

The doctors come along with a fairly good schlong
only four inches, but servicable.
You'd have to be silly to turn down a willie
I think I might name it Percival.

It's a week since the op, and Percy won't stop
standing proudly erect for a tumble
It seems that this boner has the tastes of the owner
who had him before.. mustn't grumble.

In the conjugal bed, as I groveeled and plead.
My missus just laughed in my face
"In church I did promise to love your John Thomas,
not Percival here in his place."

"Fuck's sake" I said shittily (and I meant it quite literally)
"What's a man got to do for a nooky?"
If I can't have it off then life's pretty rough.
I felt, I must say, pretty sooky.

If my wife finds it ghoulish (I reckon she's foolish)
to coitus with another bloke's penis
Then I'll have one more op and give Percy the chop,
leave Her Ladyship stranded on Venus.

Unfortunately for Percival his fate was reversible
He was cut off and wrapped in newspaper.
My wife was none the wiser when she saw it in the Tiser.
and that is the end of this caper.

Based on this story